ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
