There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
