ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
