You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
