oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
