You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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