So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
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I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
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I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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