I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
