They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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