I am puke
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
this hospital has no fireball
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
