Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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