just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
