you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
