I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
