she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
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exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
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Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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