i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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