dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
