I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize