matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
