I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
