I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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