Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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