Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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