the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
