Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
