She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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