I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
