I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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