i just had sex bonerless
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
