my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
