If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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