ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
