capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
