Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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