C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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