Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
