i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
