Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
