Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
