he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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