she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
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he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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