my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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