He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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