dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
