i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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