Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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