I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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