I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
