it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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