I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
