Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
