k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Couch. On fire.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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