My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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