i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize