Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
