So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
