idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
