I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
