It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
