Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
