I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
