Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
