I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
