You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
