So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
