we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
