She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
